thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
