It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize