I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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