just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
