i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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