She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
