all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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