great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
