I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
