whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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