Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
