It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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