I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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