I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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