You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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