Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
