What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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