Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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