I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize