don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize