I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
