He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize