I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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