So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
