man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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