Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
