There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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