I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
