oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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