North Korea, Best Korea!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
