My liver just broke up with me...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
