thus making me awesome and them whores
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
