We won't sleep together?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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