So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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