he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize