I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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