She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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