i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
