plz talk dirty to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
