i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
