you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
