Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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