fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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