marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
