i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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