I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
