fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
