Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
