I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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