I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
