you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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