So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize