She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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