I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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