i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
