Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
