I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
