i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
