I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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