Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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