Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
