no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Less talking, more tequila
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
