Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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