i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
