I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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