You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
