Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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