I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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