Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
