You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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