I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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