i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
