i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
