the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
