Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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